Tim Inge (sausagetree) wrote,
Tim Inge

A quip from the local Salida newspaper

"Local wins Monarch event

With 24 kayakers, 10 rafters and two riverboarders, the third annual Kayaks on Snow Boatercross Saturday attracted hundreds of spectators at the Freeway run.

Monarch Mountain Guest Service employee Phil Gamache of Salida won first among kayakers, receiving a Wavesport Project 45 kayak.

Jacob Weiss of Colorado Springs was second among kayakers, winning a Monarch Mountain season ski pass. Chad Owens of Pueblo, who won the race in 2006, was third and received an Electra cruiser bike. Tim Inge of Salida was fourth."

How embarrassing. "Look at these three guys! Look at how awesome they are! Check out the cool crap that they won with their amazing skillz! Oh, and then there was that what's-his-face guy who lost. He's a loser. I can tell, you see, because he lost, and that's what losers do."
I'm not whining because I think the paper should sing my praises for getting a meager fourth place. No, the paper has done me complete justice. I whining because I had the victory in my grasp, and it was cruelly ripped from me within yards of the finish line. The event was more or less like bobsledding, only in kayaks. I battled through three qualifying heats undefeated, uncontested. The final match up was a bit stiffer. I got off to a slow start, but worked my way from the rear to the front of the pack, and I had the lead up to the final straightaway, at which point the front  three inches of the boat behind me made contact with the rear three inches of my boat. We both went sideways, handing first and second to the guys behind us. I had the worst of the incident and took fourth.

Hey, I got my money's worth. I got to be in all the races. It wouldn't be so bad if the prizes weren't so good. A brand new kayak is worth about $1100. The bike is worth about $600. The ski pass is worth about $300. Fourth place, in keeping with tradition, is worth an afterthought in the local paper. 
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